Things White People Like.

Appearing to Enjoy Classical Music

Though white people do not actually listen to classical music, they like to believe that they are the type of people who would enjoy it. You can witness this firsthand by going to any classical performance at your local symphony, where you will see literally dozens of white couples who have paid upwards of $80 for the right to dress up and sit in a chair for hours reading every word in the program.

After leaving the concert hall, white people will immediately begin telling everyone they know about how much they loved the performance and how they plan to “go more often.” This is because white people see little to no value from enjoying classical music without recognition from other white people. This can be seen firsthand by looking at the plaques and bricks of donors around all opera houses: they are covered in white person names.